depression · life · math

An Explanation: Part 4

I left that dinner happy.

For once I was crying after a meeting with that idiot because I was happy. I actually felt like he cared. I felt like someone at the stupid school cared. That is all I really want. Someone to be on my side.

I was excited about this research shit, I was excited to probably have a mentor, I was excited to be working with a student who was dope as fuck and not a lame ass…I was excited to be a mathematician.

The next night came a text from Kady to hang out. The universe is odd, I thought. It’s as if she knew. Well, drinking happened and the truth came out.

Kady says the following points:

  • She and Dr. Dreamcrusher had sex starting last semester. It caused trouble in her (open) relationship with her boyfriend and they did break up. (I was right) But then she broke it off and her and her boyfriend got back together.
  • He is needy as fuck and apparently still texts her monthly.
  • He’s emotionally abusive as fuck and would tell her all the time how much better I was doing in a class than her. Which I don’t think is true. I don’t know if he was lying to her or what. But he would show her my work and compare it to hers. Then tell her how much worse she was at math.
  • He is obsessed with what his students think about him. Apparently he would ask her all the time if I hated him.
  • He said he felt bad about my family situation and told her about it. Stuff I never told her about.
  • He told her that I stopped hanging out with her because she asked me to buy her alcohol.
  • I asked her if she knew who he was currently dating, and she told me straight up. And said that the only reason he’s dating her is they bonded after he had surgery because of their similar pain issues. I currently feel so bad for that poor lady based on past advising conversations we had.
  • He loves my super smart classmate and will do anything to keep him as a student. Which I called ages ago.
  • He thinks I never read the books. (Stupid as I would literally go into his office and state “I read the book and such and such doesn’t make sense”…then get ignored. Okay.)
  • He thinks I am unteachable to him as I don’t think the same way he does.
  • He thinks I am intimidating?
  • He thinks so highly of me and thinks I have so much potential. Well shit, I’d hate to see someone he doesn’t like.

Now I am a few days removed from this mess and I’m pissed. I’m pissed at everyone involved because now I am stuck with this raging douche-canoe for another entire year.

I feel stupid for thinking his caring was sincere. No, he just wanted an excuse to ask me about his booty-call. I feel stupid for choosing this toxic as fuck math department. I am pissed that my peers are still acting like dumb ass children.

Most of all I am disappointed that I promised Kady I wouldn’t tell anyone. If this is all true, this asshole deserves to get fired.


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